Thanks Bekindalways - I am in the Alanon program and have an excellent therapist. In fact, part of my showing him my true feelings after this last relapse is largely due to being involved in Alanon and finding the strength to detach and lose the fear that kept me pretending everything was okay for so long. I guess it being the first time I am not hiding between a smile, I was taken a back by his selfish reaction.
Look forward to sharing in my Thursday meeting. thank you so much!