Thankyou ResoberALITY for your reply. I agree completely with what you've written which is why I can't understand my own thinking! I would be crazy to even contemplate a drink as I have too much to lose, I know I can't moderate for any length of time, been there, tried that and failed!
In my mind I miss the time sharing a bottle of wine and having that relaxed time with my husband, but in reality it wouldn't last long as I'd often get drunk and we would argue?