I listened to this the other day and I had noticed some of my issues but this made it more clear.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nVt8ooZcLCs
But I'm noticing something. as some know i'm learning to play a new instrument. and I noticed something. if i go to practice and someone says oh wow you played that so well good job i think. "yeah sure comparitvely speaking to other newbies maybe i did but i still play like crap and yoru just saying that trying to encourage me but its not really true" and if someone points out my mistakes i think "you know you ******* what about all the things i did right dont you notice anything i did poroperly" I almost routinely walk int o practice nervoius but happy and leave depressed and miserable.
now this instrument is just a good example. It could be anything in life pay me a compliment oh your just being nice you dont really mean it or yeah sure thats great but what about the rest of the crap blah blah pull out the club. Tell me i did something wrong and i'm like hey you SOB that wasnt very nice what about my good qualities etc...
I'm an ******* *Sigh*
in the above video the guy talks bout 2 kids one gets put in a room full of all the toys in the world (he's the pesimist) the other gets put in a room full of horse crap (he's the optimist) the guy comes back to check on them the pescimist is complaining this toys ok but you gotta wind it up and that toys alright but it doesnt light up and that ones ok but i dont like the color. He checks on the one in the room full of horse manure and he's digging aroudn all happy the guy says wtf are you doing? he says with all this horse crap theres gotta be a pony in here somewhere an di'm gonna find it!