one of the reasons why i drank as hard as i did was i wanted to pass out every night.
the thought of going to sleep and having nightmares about traumatic stuff every night was terrifying. I had nightmares, night terrors, periodic limb movement and restless leg syndrome. Sleep was always such a scary thing.
I got a lot of therapy when i was in rehab. I don't know why it worked for me this time, but it occurs to me that it might had been my approach to it.
I didn't know to stop feeling sorry for myself...For years, i was like this.
I think i learned this time that I can separate myself from my past and be sorry it happened, but i can no longer afford to dwell in the pain of what happened to that person.
That did a lot for me.
I sleep a lot better now, but there are days at a time that I can still get insomnia. I don't worry about it much anymore though. Netflix, the quiet, long drives. The night isn't so scary anymore.
Here,It's 4:20 in the morning and i haven't slept more than 2 hours in 48 hours. Eh. whatever.
My first sponsor 20 years ago used to always say to me.." As long as i don't drink, everything is subject to change. Just show up"
i teeter between being excited and being terrified at my new life.
I'm cool with that.
I don't really have a point, i just wanted to share that. I'm gonna go put on some coffee now...decaf. definitely decaf today.
for listening.