BullDog777

one of the reasons why i drank as hard as i did was i wanted to pass out every night.

the thought of going to sleep and having nightmares about traumatic stuff every night was terrifying. I had nightmares, night terrors, periodic limb movement and restless leg syndrome. Sleep was always such a scary thing.

I got a lot of therapy when i was in rehab. I don't know why it worked for me this time, but it occurs to me that it might had been my approach to it.

I didn't know to stop feeling sorry for myself...For years, i was like this.

I think i learned this time that I can separate myself from my past and be sorry it happened, but i can no longer afford to dwell in the pain of what happened to that person.
That did a lot for me.

I sleep a lot better now, but there are days at a time that I can still get insomnia. I don't worry about it much anymore though. Netflix, the quiet, long drives. The night isn't so scary anymore.

Here,It's 4:20 in the morning and i haven't slept more than 2 hours in 48 hours. Eh. whatever.

My first sponsor 20 years ago used to always say to me.." As long as i don't drink, everything is subject to change. Just show up"
i teeter between being excited and being terrified at my new life.

I'm cool with that.

I don't really have a point, i just wanted to share that. I'm gonna go put on some coffee now...decaf. definitely decaf today.

for listening.

SnazzyDresser

Awesome post. I've also always had insomnia problems, and I can't sleep tonight either! Eh whatever, exactly. I'm gonna have a coffee and watch the last night's Mr. Robot season 2 finale, I think.

Delilah1

I struggle with insomnia as well. I am currently on vacation with my family and my husband and the kids are sound asleep, I have not been able to fall asleep. However, I still feel 100% better in the mornings than I did when I was drinking!

I am trying to work on mindfulness, hoping it will transfer into my sleeping habits at some point! Although, I do some of my best thinking when I am wide awake at 2:00 am!

Hope we can all fall asleep for a bit!

thomas11

My inability to sleep led me to drink in the early days. Of course it escalated after that.

You mentioned something that hits home with me. You evidently have some trauma in your past that is upsetting and you've received some therapy for that. I believe that is always a wise decision. I only want to share my experience. I too have some pretty bad stuff in my past. I did and saw stuff I should not have, I probably should not be alive (none of this was military related, more along the lines of criminal behavior) It messed me up for a period of time, might have even contributed to my drinking, but I somehow shaped these experiences to my advantage at this point in my life. On the other hand, I have a close friend who experienced some trauma when he was younger. But much younger, like early teens (my bad stuff happened in my mid 20's). He can't shake it. He just can't get past it. I know what it is, and its not even that bad, but for him, its caused him a lifetime of misery. The mind is so complex, and no two cases are the same.
I'm glad you are finding some relief. I hope you enjoyed your decaf, sounds like just the right decision.

bossybutt

I don't sleep well, or much, either. Stay up till 1 am most nights/mornings due to husbands schedule, usually make 2-4 hours before either the sweating starts, the nightmares, the pets wake me up or I flat out have a racing mind and anxiety. Agree with Deliliah though, still better than waking up hungover, or in my case still half lit since I would drink till I went to bed at 1am-whatever o clock when I finally gave up for the "night". Good luck everyone!

sleepie

Insomnia is a major reason for relapse, I feel as if were more people made aware of this common pitfall they would know what they were facing and be able to mentally prepare.

JK130

Sadly, sleep is elusive for me too.

BullDog777

It's 4:10 am where i am and hey, you're not alone! I'm watching timeless on my DVR. I've got 2 more episodes to go to be current and then i'll try to get some rest.

I used to be terrified of sleep. It was one of the things that kept me out there so long. now...it's whatever. As long as I have netflix, i'm good. I'll sleep when i sleep.

BullDog777

I agree with you 100%.

sleepie

Knowing this after I read of it, silly as it sounds, a light went off and I knew I had to stay sober no matter how un fun this would be, being that this was a recognized obstacle.