I've been doing a daily program called "A Year to Clear" online. Each day there is an exercise/thought/question to work with, write about or meditate on. While it doesn't focus specifically on addiction/codependency issues, I'm finding that it's doing work for me in places I didn't imagine it would.
I like to write/hate to write, same as many of you here, and I find that way more often than not I start out my "Year to Clear" session resentful of "stupid" questions or "obvious" statements posed in that day's reading. "I don't have time for this crap", I tell myself. "What a dumb thing to even ask, and I HATE those stupid words she uses, like 'squirminess' when referring to uncomfortable feelings."
One of the things I've learned is to write down stuff like that, if it's what comes into my head. If I need to start by being angry, resentful, or snide, then I can do so. No one else is watching, no one else is monitoring my responses, there is nothing I am trying to achieve other than to write down what is "in there", whatever it might be! And that idea alone is a hard one for me to stay with...
And if I do that, if I just make myself write whatever is there, on the surface, however resistant or snotty it is, quite often it'll start spinning into something way different and deeper. It may have something to do w/the day's "lesson" or it may seem, or even be, completely unrelated to that. But generally it contains something that has not been expressed before and maybe not even consciously thought about before.
Some days I truly do just write a sentence and leave it at that. But I do try to do at least that, to see if that will be enough to "pull the cork" and get things flowing. Sometimes it does. Sometimes not. And again, part of recovery, for me, is being OK w/whatever comes out or doesn't.
So weird to go back and read what you wrote sometimes, isn't it?