Relapse and withdrawal
I threw away my year of sobriety. I relapsed on Thursday night. I thought I could have "one drink." That drink turned into three bottles over the course of a day and a half. I am beyond mad and disappointed in myself. I skipped my appointment with my addiction therapist to go to a bar. I called to cancel and said I was working late when I was in the car driving to the bar. I spent that whole car ride convincing myself that what I was about to do would be okay. That I could have a drink like a normal person. I was so, so wrong. After one drink I couldn't stop - I thought "well if I'm going to drink I might as well get a buzz and make this worth it." So I had three huge drinks. And then I figured I would be too hungover to go to work the next day unless I had my hangover drink the next morning, so I stopped and bought a bottle on my way home. I went right back into my old habit of setting my alarm an hour early so that I would have enough time to drink in the morning - pulling the bottle out from under my bed because it is the first thing I need before I can even get up. Pathetic. Luckily I made it through the work day without anyone noticing, but it wasn't pretty. Then after work I thought "well I'll just go have a few beers and that will be the end." After the beers I stopped and bought a big bottle of wine. This morning I woke up with the wine, and then went out with a friend to another bar. I finally quit and am home with no alcohol in an attempt to get my withdrawal out of the way before Monday morning.
I think of all the things I accomplished in the past year and how easily I was ready to throw them away for one drink. How easily I could have lost everything I've worked for.
Back to square one.