SobrieTee

I threw away my year of sobriety. I relapsed on Thursday night. I thought I could have "one drink." That drink turned into three bottles over the course of a day and a half. I am beyond mad and disappointed in myself. I skipped my appointment with my addiction therapist to go to a bar. I called to cancel and said I was working late when I was in the car driving to the bar. I spent that whole car ride convincing myself that what I was about to do would be okay. That I could have a drink like a normal person. I was so, so wrong. After one drink I couldn't stop - I thought "well if I'm going to drink I might as well get a buzz and make this worth it." So I had three huge drinks. And then I figured I would be too hungover to go to work the next day unless I had my hangover drink the next morning, so I stopped and bought a bottle on my way home. I went right back into my old habit of setting my alarm an hour early so that I would have enough time to drink in the morning - pulling the bottle out from under my bed because it is the first thing I need before I can even get up. Pathetic. Luckily I made it through the work day without anyone noticing, but it wasn't pretty. Then after work I thought "well I'll just go have a few beers and that will be the end." After the beers I stopped and bought a big bottle of wine. This morning I woke up with the wine, and then went out with a friend to another bar. I finally quit and am home with no alcohol in an attempt to get my withdrawal out of the way before Monday morning.

I think of all the things I accomplished in the past year and how easily I was ready to throw them away for one drink. How easily I could have lost everything I've worked for.

Back to square one.

Mattq2

Sober tree,
I don't think your back to square one. A year of sobriety is incredible. Now you know how to do it and can get right back to it. Wish I had a year sober. Please don't beat yourself up. Learn from it and make it work this time. You can do it!

Dee74

I'm glad you're back SobrieTee

What do you think you'll do differently this time?
D

least

Glad you made it back. Some don't.

SobrieTee

Thank you for the kind words, Matt

And thanks for the welcome back, Dee I think my biggest issue is that I forgot where I came from. I stopped going to meetings on a regular basis and I started taking my sobriety for granted. This time around I'm going back to meetings even after I feel like I don't need them anymore. After a year I thought I could handle sobriety on my own, but the truth is that I do need support and help to stay sober. I'm also going to tell my family and therapist about this. Definitely not looking forward to those conversations, but I think coming clean will help keep me accountable going forward.

REsoberALITY

Glad you're back. We're here for support too. Stick to your new plan and change it on the fly if you must.

Keep your Head up.... What's done is done. The important thing is move forward.

ScottFromWI

Welcome back SobrieTee. I'm glad you caught yourself before things went completely off the rails. Such a good reminder too that complacency is never an option when it comes to out sobriety work....it gets easier but we can never give it up completely. I wouldn't say you are back to square one...youknow exactly what to do. You also now have firsthand knowledge of what happens when you get complacent....use it to your advantage.

entropy1964

Hi Sobertie. I've been right where you are. I think what may help me is realizing that I go to meeting first to help myself. But once I feel I don't need them anymore? I go to meetings to help others.

waynetheking

The fact that you cameback here speaks volumes about you're commitment on handling this cunning and baffling disease.
Welcome back and congratulations. Pat yourself on the back. It takes a lot of courage to fight this. You're doing fine!

Gottalife

Thee is nothing wrong with what you did to stay sober. It kept you sober for a year. Staying sober permanently may require a slightly different approach.

There is the story in the big book of the guy who stopped on his own power and stayed that way for many years until he retired. Then it was slippers and bottle, time for a reward. He was dead in a short time.

Glad you made it back.

lizard64

I'm new here (day 2) but think you're amazing to have completed a year without alcohol!! Don't give up!

SobrieTee

Hey guys, thanks for all the support and encouragement

I'm a little more than three days away from my last drink and the withdrawal symptoms have mostly subsided. I was really surprised at how hard I had to focus on Monday in order to NOT have "just one drink" to steady my nerves during the work day. I definitely had those awkward periods of the shakes/sweats and tried to avoid everyone as much as possible. Even though my bender was only a day and a half (as opposed to my last bender before that, which lasted for 4 months), the post-drinking anxiety made me remember how easily I used to turn to alcohol just to feel normal again. I think one of the things that helped me get through the first 48 hours was knowing how much better my physical AND mental state get with longer periods of sobriety.

So I'm back to working out and eating well, and going to meetings in the evenings. Next I have to tell my family about my slip, which I'm terrified to do, but I think it's important for me to stay accountable.

Hope everyone is having a good week!
Onward and upward.

PurpleKnight

Welcome back SobrieTee!!

kittycat3

Oh I can relate to that whole "this is my last drunk so I better make it a good one" notion. Yikes.
Dust yourself off and figure out what you need to add to your sober plan. You can make this next sober year even better if you want to. Welcome back.