Poppett,
You have made so many changes on "yourself" in your recent posting. I can see that everything slowly sinking in. You understand now that there is no "pleasing" her, or any addict. You have tried for many, many years and it hasn't worked. You are trying not to engage when she wants to talk and his drunk. You are recognizing that when she is drunk that it is a worthless conversation. (an Alonon-er told me a long time ago when you are fighting with an addict who is intoxicated you are speaking two different languages, she can't understand you and you don't understand her, so why engage) This made my life so much easier!!
I am so proud of you that you want to meet with an attorney and find out your legal rights. That is the best thing you can do. What is happening in your relationship is that you are getting healthier and not accepting her abuse. She can't handle this and can't understand what "switched" in you. You are not "helping or engaging" in her the way you use to. You are staying busy with doing your stuff, not catering to "her" needs. So your brain is slowly coming out of the fog. When you have people on the forum who have all tried to "help" their addict to no avail. You realize that you are not the only one that has lived this. The pattern repeats over and over in all of our lives, same things, just different people.
Keep up what you are doing, its working. You need to be a healthy mom for your kids, they are your priority in your life right now!! Hugs my friend I hope you get the peace and quiet when she leaves.