Wow. Four years is huge. NO way you'd want to go back to drinking.
And I don't know about you, but if I ever started drinking again I am sure I would lose my job. I never drank on the job but working hungover every day made me an apathetic and lazy employee.
I was very surprised to find in sobriety that joyous times were more of a trigger than sorrow. I've experience both in sobriety and got through both without drinking.
I'll bet you this thinking about drinking will be temporary.
You're built a whole new sober life in these four years.