An alcoholic is not someone whose problem is alcohol. An alcoholic is someone for whom alcohol is their solution. But of course, that is just an illusion. A quick fix, that then causes us more problems. It's like a crazy merry-go-round and the only way to stop the nightmare is get off it.
There is no such thing as controlled drinking for an alcoholic. That feeling of being in control is, sadly, a delusion. Buying it in the first place wasn't a decision you were happy about making - otherwise you wouldn't have come on here to post about it. And why did you come on this forum in the first place if you can control your drinking. A week of abstinence doesn't mean we can control our drinking once we start. I tried a few 'month off' drinking in the hope it would kind of reset things, and I could then return to drinking and drink 'like a normal person'. Thing is. I'm not a normal person. I'm an alcoholic. And you can't un-pickle a cucumber. Sure, occasionally I did have a few and it didn't descend into madness, and I didn't end up behaving abysmally or waking up full of fear. But it was like a game of Russian Roulette. I wasn't able to guarantee that this time it would be okay.
There were 2 voices loud in my head in the first few months. One was reason. The other was my AV (my alcoholic voice ). It was surprisingly tricky for me to separate the 2 and only act on the reason. I remember asking someone "But how can I tell if it is my AV?" They told me that If it's telling me that drinking is a good idea or would solve something, or is okay for whatever reason - that's my AV, and it seemed pretty obvious to me then. Next I wanted to know how to make that AV shut up, or at least quieten down. They told me, the only way to weaken it is to starve it. The longer it is since it was fed (with alcohol), the weaker and quieter it will become - although it will still put up an occasional fight out of the blue. But this thing only dies when we do. Recovery is about getting sober, and staying sober long enough that the voice is quiet enough that it doesn't continue to drive us mad, and learning to ignore it when it does pipe up. And learning that you can't win a fight or argument with an AV. An AV plays dirty, and lies and threatens and then is your supposed best-buddy again, all in the space of seconds. The only way is to kind of disengage with it, shush it, and la-la-la it. A bit like talking to a spoilt brat toddler. Alongside that, we need to learn new and better ways to deal with life on life's terms (it will never be on our terms, after all). This was, for me, where AA really came in. Others have used SMART or similar. Some people go to adiction consellors. Some take up meditation or yoga. There are many different routes to re-training yourself with regards to dealing with stress, and feelings about the past, and fear about the future. Those links of Dee's on his thread about making a plan should stand you in good stead.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...y-plans-1.html