It might get easier sleepy. Thats what everyone says that the first year is hard. Maybe it actually is hard. I think its getting a little better for me. Sometines i wake up and reboot from hopelessness to understanding to acceptance.
Acceptance is not something that takes place on the champaign waterslide of occupational and genetic victory. Maybe its a blessing that only blossoms in suffering. It is a moment in the desert, hence the solitude, the lacking. But thats where acceptance and beginning is after the anguished awakening.