Hi sleepie.
I don't believe in "tough love," "passive aggression," or "brutal honesty." But I do believe that honesty is a crucial aspect of giving support. And I don't know of any better way to put it.
As was true for me when I first got sober about thirty three years ago, I think the cutting edge for you is to train yourself, ideally with help from concerned and capable others, to acknowledge that there are significant differences between the people who are attempting to help and support you, and your early tormenters.
I used to assume that I had a problem in trusting other people. It was and seems to remain a catch-phrase for people who experience difficulties in making genuine interpersonal connections. The reality is that I tended to trust the wrong people, and then turn away those who were truly supportive, based almost entirely on my prejudices and my past experience. To the best of my knowledge, that hasn't happened in a very long time.
In the end, not everyone is adept at every moment at tailoring our words of support to the sensibilities, the vulnerabilities, and the psychological and social history of each individual we're trying to help. This doesn't make us mean or insensitive; it only makes us human.