Thanks so much for this. Resonates with me in terms of my husband sort of when we first met. He was much like your ex. But it also reminded me that when we met he was in therapy working on his coping skills and he was doing it because he recognized the problem and wanted to improve himself. Those poor coping skills left him vulnerable to using substances. And it Also reminded me of how much progress he has made over the years. And he has put in a.lot f work to learn and grow. I now you were speaking of your ex. But I do hope he has had some point of reflection and found some way to learn better how to manage life and its challenges. I'm sure it wasnt easy for you to make the break when you did but hope your doing ok now. All this reminds me too that life is a journey and we.learn as we go. Sometimes we can float through but at other times we have to work at it. Peaks and valleys.
Originally Posted by
Fortheloveofdog 
I just wanted to comment on your wish that your AH suffer some of the powerlessness you feel now that he's been forced into meetings. My ex and I spilt a long time ago but I still remember that feeling of wanting him to feel unsure, to doubt himself as much I doubted myself when I was with him.
What I realized years later was that he was never really ok and that it was my lack of self-assurance that made him seem strong. My ex was smart, handsome and a trust-fund kid: he came across as bullet-proof and that was incredibly attractive to me given where I came from.
But after a few years together, it was clear his coping skills were limited. Life, even a relatively good one, isn't easy and my ex had a very hard time with ordinary disappointments. I made lots of excuses for why it was ok for him to be upset about things I’d make myself get over: bottom line I didn’t want to believe he wasn’t the amazing guy I’d married and he needed me to believe he still was. Truth though, he was a troubled, needy, immature guy with more problems than me and there was no place in our relationship for him to admit that. If you see a significant disconnect between who you thought you married and who you’re with now, chances are the man you see today is the guy he was all along. Figuring this all out is a long journey, my best to you.