Much of what you say does make sense. However, Son #2 is not a baby. he is 25 years old. he hates his brother's using and has seen him thrown out, in jail, and more. I drew the line I did especially for him, so he would feel safe and not be stressed out by his brother's problems. I will have to distance myself. AS is bugging me about the place, but I am not budging about it. He can still stay there at least until the month is up. His apt may even be ready by then.
I will be more careful about not extending myself too much.
I did not manipulate the situation at the hospital. They called me. I don't know why they didn't ask him for the number and call themselves. I didn't control that. Was I supposed to lie. I waited about a day and a half before I called them back with the information. I didn't control that situation like you think. I was just worrying about how soon to let them know. At best, maybe I should have waited for them to call me again, but they asked me to call them.
Bringing him back to my house yesterday afternoon was stupid on my part and doesn't give him the right message. Sometimes practicality does factor into things. I am giving him a ride to court because I had already planned on it. I'm not going 17 miles away round trip in the morning to get him and then back another 17-25 miles to court. That's why he's here tonight. I don't thnk the busses would even be running there at the hour he'd have to leave.
I didn't say I hate you. I just hate the whole situation. I know I have to stick to having hm stay at the sober living and he hates it. When he lamented about it I said then you shouldn't do things to land you in that situation. Same thing when he complained about the hospital. I am not falling for all of his whining and guilt tripping he's trying to put on me. I am not engaging about it.
Am I still too involved. Yes. I'm working on that. Maybe not the way you think, but I am making strides. took him to hospital. ensured he stayed at the place, or at least not here last night and being generally tougher and more detached.
I know it's not enough. I will work on it.
Haven't decided whether or not he can stay at friend's house. I will heed your words carefully about that.
So, I appreciate your candor andcalling me on things. But I may not follow your plan exactly, but I hear what you are saying and am finding my way with that. It's ok. YOu can beat me over the head. Ultimately I want to do what i do because it is what I need and he needs, but i want it to come from me and not because you told me to. And don't beat me up for asking for responses. This site is helpful, but no one ever responds timely before I do things. It's always after the fact. Not your fault. I guess this isn't the site for urgent decisions and guidance with that.
So, keep it real. I'll try to process that and learn to detach and become less and less involved with his recovery.