Sasha,
YOU may think you look like something out of a horror movie, but after reading your post, all I see is a very smart woman...
Sasha, you are to be commended for doing the right thing for yourself. Do you realize what an important step that is for you? VERY important.
And I don't say this to put your boyfriend down because all of us here struggle with relationships with alcoholics, but HE has to decide whether he wants to get better or not. It really has nothing to do with his love for you. I'm sure he loves you, but until he wants sobriety bad enough, all you can do is take care of yourself.
Please look into Al Anon meetings. You'll find great support and people who will understand your feelings because they've been there. Also, KEEP COMING BACK HERE! We are all in the same boat. There are lots of women with great wisdom here who can share with you the experiences of their lives.
We love ya,
Hangin' In