alicia, i think your blinders are coming off and you are really starting to SEE the person your AH is. and that he has yet to demonstrate one SHRED of remorse for ANYTHING.
part of the problem is that you have continued to soften the blow FOR him....when he was arrested, you bailed him against strong recommendations. you then made all kinds of arrangements FOR him to again soften the blow and get him into the cushy rehab of HIS choice. which he did not go to. when you were out of the home after he assaulted you, you had the opportunity to file an RO, but chose not to.
HE is doing what he has always done.....and now you are coming to the realization that you are powerless over any of this, and your life is becoming unmanageable. now is the time to start going to meetings for YOU......and to stay and listen and absorb. to start taking care of yourself first, NOT your AH. you don't have to worry about his RECOVERY because there isn't any.