First relationship since sobriety -- 2yrs and 4 mos.
I met a man with 4 years of sobriety who appears to be working a very strong program. I have been an active AA member for almost 2 and a half years, and feel strong in my recovery.
That was, until I became intimate with this man. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to drink. Everything seems to be going fine, and we have a wonderful time together. He lives about an hour away, so we have seen each other once a week for 5 weeks. We became intimate on our 4th date. I told while we were talking in bed that I felt like I could trust him (because I do).
I felt wonderful until I didn't. Suddenly the needy, insecure, FEARFUL old me crept back into my skin and I was terrified by it. Fear of being abandoned. The day before our 4th date I had to, unexpectedly, put my cat of 18 years to sleep -- she had been with me steadily for the last 16 years, drunk and sober.
I'm mourning her loss (it's harder than you might think) and at first was on cloud-9 regarding the new man in my life. He was a major distraction from the loss of my cat, but now that he's away for two weeks, my thinking has veered off into stinking territory. It is truly frightening to have both this relationship and the loss of my cat dredge up this old part of me. I met with my sponsor and she told me that it was something I had to go "through" and that there was no shortcut. She said I'm trying to drive the bus, but my higher power is the one who's driving and I cannot control things. I've been going to meetings every day since this "ghost" from my past has come back.
I don't want to sabotage this relationship. I'm 57 and he will soon be 60. He is a good man with a good program -- we talk about our programs all the time and he has only seen me at my most confident. Before this I wasn't in a relationship for three years (celibate). Deep in my heart I feel like he is the one (I'm not going to tell him that, but I do feel it).
Intellectually I know I can't drive the bus, but this old control freak is still in me dragging me down. It is weird to be able to stand back and see this ghost for what it is. I'm trying so hard not to let it get the best of me. I should be happy.
I'd appreciate any input from anyone who can share their experience, strength and hope in this situation.
Gratefully
THMcG