I'm sorry windancer.
I think the best way to honour your grandmother is to stay sober. I think Dee would like that
The other thing is - we get frasntic at the thought of grief...but we;re meant to feel sad - it's ok to cry and feel the loss. We feel the sadness and then in time move through it, to a new normal.
Drinking just stops that dead so that all we're doing is an endless loop...feel pain add drink, feel pain...it's circling the pain, not engaging with it and it never heals.
Be sad for Dee - but know that you're stronger than you can imagine.
You can do this, face your fear of being sad, and be ok
D