It was really nice to hear a good update !!!! I really do hope you get that job that you want.
I do have a few things to ask, if you don't mind. Your DD10, I know you were worried about a tumor, but now that it isn't, is it, or can it be a temporary hearing loss? If not temporary, can she hear with hearing aids? I don't want to be insensitive asking these questions, I am just hoping for the best outcome.
You know, you asked how can you be so thrilled about something, and then worried that you would fail. I have dealt with this many times. For me, it was perfectionism. I never felt good enough to be the job that I was doing, then I would put in for it, get it, then worried that I would not be good enough for that position either. It never mattered how many excellent job reviews that I got, or bonuses that I received, I mostly felt that I wasn't qualified.
I want you to think about something. It's something that I had to think about to get through some things. My ex always told me that I was a complete waste and couldn't do anything right. I also got this in a lesser degree while I was growing up. I grew up feeling that I needed approval. I needed validation, and respect. What I found out was that all the things that I needed, it was those things that I needed to give to myself.
You have grown so much this year. You are that "mama bear", that no one will mess with anymore. You have felt your fears, and you did what you needed to do in spite of your fears. I think you are a terrific person, and a terrific mom, and I think your daughters also know how terrific you are.
(((((((((((((many hugs))))))))))))))), wishing only the best for your and your daughters.
amy
PS - Thanks for the update. I think of you often.