equus

For the depression he's on the waiting list for counselling through his GP + monthly visits to his GP.

The above is the treatment plan re the drinking. I realise it looks very strange but the logic of it was explained to us in detail. This approach doesn't deny or attempt to deny the impact relationships have on alcoholism or vice versa. Instead it attempts to use the positive influences a relationship can have on drinking and utalise the steps to recovery from drinking to have a positive influence on the relationship.

It's not a cop out because it leads to more complex tasks that surround D maintaining abstainence. We are both offered individual counselling through them on top but D wants to wait for that and she's happy this is a solid enough first step.

It can't be made to fit al-anon principles but it fits us better. I suppose the nearest you could get it to fit together with 12 step approaches might be if you saw a solid relationship as a higher power, that a good relationship is greater than the sum of it's individual parts.

They do not do realtionship counselling there - EVERYTHING has to be based around recovery. Me asking simple tasks of D surrounds both his need to be dependable and my need to rebuild trust, both important for recovery. His simple tasks to me involve habit because he wants me to understand what it's like to break hardened habits. They aren't random requests or I would have asked for a nightly massage!!