Elle..I hate being an alcoholic too but I try to focus on how good I feel...physically and emotionLLY. I hate the headaches, the stomach aches, the shakes and the sweats...I hate not remembering where I left things or what I said or people.I hate how my kids look at me in disgust when I'm drunk and how I have to beg for their forgiveness.
That usually pulls me through when I try to visualize drinking "normally" ..bc I knows I can't. It NEVER ends well. Play the tape to the end.
Stay strong, we are here for you..hugs