Coming here was the best step. You're reaching out and that is HUGE. Sharing what you've been going through is a sign you see patterns you want to change about your self and your life.
The fact that you can see negative consequences that could happen as a result of your behavior is also a sign you've become aware you need to make a change. It's a gift. For a lot of us, we've seen the bad things that could happen and in the grips of this nasty , sneaky , cunning disease we kept on and continued the bad behavior and even more devastating consequences ensued.
I went through the same...trying to quit..then picking up again...felt like 100 times. This caused great self esteem issues for me, depression, not being present for my toddler, causing havoc with my husband, quiting my job, losing friends, heart ache.
It's been 4 months since I've been sober. I've been on sober recovery since 2013. The only thing different that I tried this time around was working up the courage to step into an aa meeting one month into sobriety. It was where I needed to be. It's been a ride. Its 200 % a better place than from where I was at contemplating picking up again. I also had trouble with prescription drugs that I also had to deal with. I can say I am.100percent on the right path not even though I have a lifetime to go. Amazing things will manifest in your life as a result of reaching out and continuing to work on the cause of your drinking and using....it's a brain disease not an alcohol disease. The alcohol is just a symptom.... keep posting here. It's anonymous. People are here to help you through anything big or small 24/7
