Notices

I know it's time but struggle to stop drinking

Old 08-11-2016, 06:01 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
MrPL's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,025
I know it's time but struggle to stop drinking

Hi,

This is my first post here, so since everyone seems to start by talking a bit about themselves I will do the same.

I m 33 yrs old and I started drinking and taking drugs regularly when I was 14. I never thought much of it until about 2009, when the drug use got heavy and for pretty much the whole year I was drunk and high on coke (and other things) about 5 times a week. In 2010 I managed to stay sober for 4 months with the aim of quitting drugs, and since then haven't touched drugs again but decided to try and keep drinking in a "controlled" way. Obviously it didn't work.

To summarise it, over the past few years I have had the odd month off, but otherwise will drink 6-8 cans of cider every night, often more, generally on my own in the house. I have a great family, wife and two little boys, and things are well in that front, but lately, as my boys grow up, I have started to see I am not always the dad I want to be, so about 6 months ago I made the call to quit (same thing I did about drugs in 2010). The problem is I have had to make the same call about 10 times since then, and every time I "start again" I seem to drink more and more. The latest break was counting to 16 days yesterday, but somehow I always convince myself there is a reason to drink again, and that's what happenned yesterday night ("it was sunny and I was bored...").

So now here is where I stand: I know I need to stop drinking, I know I want to be in a place where my head is clear, my body is healthy and I can enjoy things for what they are, and that's always the thought when the day begins, but somehow this thought changes when I leave work. Sometimes I can stop myself, most times not, and this is starting to get to me, which makes me want to drink even more.

I have an event coming this Saturday where it will be very hard not to drink heavily (not going is not an option), so I m thinking: "what the hell, might as well keep going and quit on Sunday". Obviously I should just say I won't drink on Saturday or ever again, but I find it hard to believe it and don't want to disappoint myself if I end up drinking, so feeling a bit stuck.

I m scared something heavy will have to happen for me to take this seriously, like me getting very ill, my wife leaving me, screwing up at work or disappointing my kids, and for the first time I can see very early signs of some of these things happening.

I m hoping talking about it here will help, reading some of your stories has definitely been inspiring, well done everyone who managed to stop. I honestly hope I can say the same about myself soon.

P
MrPL is offline  
Old 08-11-2016, 06:06 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
Mountainmanbob's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
If drinking and using which once were luxuries
have now become necessities
it's probably best to gather our Sober tool belt.
M-Bob
Mountainmanbob is offline  
Old 08-11-2016, 06:09 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
tomsteve's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
welcome.
you say not going to this event saturday is not an option.
thats a lie. i dont care what the event is, but everyone has the choice to put getting sober ahead of everything.

if you want to stop drinking you will do whatever is necessary, including cancelling events where alcohol is.

the signs are already showing. you can step off the elevator today.
tomorrow may be too late.
tomsteve is offline  
Old 08-11-2016, 06:09 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
Zebra1275's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,836
Welcome to SR!

I m scared something heavy will have to happen for me to take this seriously, like me getting very ill, my wife leaving me, screwing up at work or disappointing my kids, and for the first time I can see very early signs of some of these things happening.

If you are an alcoholic, all of these things could happen along with a whole bunch of things you haven't mentioned.

Quitting an addiction of many years is tough, especially if you try to do it on your own. Stick around this place and you will learn a lot about how to get, and stay, sober.
Zebra1275 is offline  
Old 08-11-2016, 06:10 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
The road goes on forever
 
MidnightRider's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Southern USA
Posts: 1,107
Hey Mr PL,
We have similar stories and wanted to say you are not alone.
Good luck and look forward to read about your progress.
MidnightRider is offline  
Old 08-11-2016, 06:12 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
A Smart Bug is a Sober Bug!
 
Lightning Bug's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Hot and Muggy South Florida
Posts: 1,396
What did you do when you answered the call before? Just stop drinking? Join AA? Get a sponsor? Work the steps? Join a secular recovery program? Get counseling? Try an anti-craving med? Practice meditation? Exercise? Journal?
Lightning Bug is offline  
Old 08-11-2016, 06:15 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
Sharpy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Florida
Posts: 394
Coming here was the best step. You're reaching out and that is HUGE. Sharing what you've been going through is a sign you see patterns you want to change about your self and your life.

The fact that you can see negative consequences that could happen as a result of your behavior is also a sign you've become aware you need to make a change. It's a gift. For a lot of us, we've seen the bad things that could happen and in the grips of this nasty , sneaky , cunning disease we kept on and continued the bad behavior and even more devastating consequences ensued.

I went through the same...trying to quit..then picking up again...felt like 100 times. This caused great self esteem issues for me, depression, not being present for my toddler, causing havoc with my husband, quiting my job, losing friends, heart ache.

It's been 4 months since I've been sober. I've been on sober recovery since 2013. The only thing different that I tried this time around was working up the courage to step into an aa meeting one month into sobriety. It was where I needed to be. It's been a ride. Its 200 % a better place than from where I was at contemplating picking up again. I also had trouble with prescription drugs that I also had to deal with. I can say I am.100percent on the right path not even though I have a lifetime to go. Amazing things will manifest in your life as a result of reaching out and continuing to work on the cause of your drinking and using....it's a brain disease not an alcohol disease. The alcohol is just a symptom.... keep posting here. It's anonymous. People are here to help you through anything big or small 24/7
Sharpy is offline  
Old 08-11-2016, 06:17 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Hears The Voice
 
Nonsensical's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by MrPL View Post
I want to be in a place where my head is clear, my body is healthy and I can enjoy things for what they are, and that's always the thought when the day begins, but somehow this thought changes when I leave work. Sometimes I can stop myself, most times not, and this is starting to get to me, which makes me want to drink even more.
I could have written that myself. I had a very similar experience. I can't tell you how many days started with me dumping all my booze down the sink and ended with me in a drunken stupor.

The days I didn't drink were spent with this battle in my head no one else could hear. One side arguing that I need to stop drinking, the other side arguing just one more day... just a few... you can drink a little...just be more careful, etc. I thought I was losing my mind.

Turns out I was addicted to alcohol, and that battle in my head space was a byproduct of that addiction.

I found a better way. You can, too.

Welcome to the fight of your life. Best of Luck on Your Journey.
Nonsensical is offline  
Old 08-11-2016, 06:19 AM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Canine Welfare Advocate
 
doggonecarl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,961
Welcome to Sober Recovery.

Originally Posted by MrPL View Post
I have an event coming this Saturday where it will be very hard not to drink heavily (not going is not an option) ...
A drinking occasion that must be attended...okay.

I have found the list of things we must do to be a lot smaller than I would have thought, once I made the decision to not drink.

Recovery entails change. BIG change. Changes in how we deal with things, changes in routine, and changes in places we go and the people we hang out with. If you aren't ready to change, maybe you aren't ready to quit drinking.

If you must go, don't drink. And if you end up drinking, ask yourself, "Is this what I had to go for? To get drunk?"
doggonecarl is offline  
Old 08-11-2016, 07:05 AM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Do your best
 
Soberwolf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Hi Mr Pl were roughly the same age I'm 34 but I got sobbackt 31 & havnt looked back I'm also 4 years clean from doing coke (sniffing) and right off the bat I'm going to suggest reading some of what's here at SR so you can see how we have recovered be it on this website alone to incorporating therapy meetings & all other sobriety tools into a toolbox & plan

Soberwolf is offline  
Old 08-11-2016, 08:02 AM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
MrPL's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,025
Thanks so much for replying guys, I have honestly thought more about this in the last hour than I ever have before.

Will definitely read through some of the site materials and will focus on not drinking Saturday, your stories gave me a big boost.

P
MrPL is offline  
Old 08-11-2016, 08:12 AM
  # 12 (permalink)  
U75
I look young for my age.
 
U75's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 932
MrPL, there's never going to be a time to quit that's "convenient" for the addict in your head. If you keep drinking through your event on Saturday, your addict brain will come up with something else to keep you drinking on Sunday.

There will always be temptations and challenges to your sobriety, and it is going to be hard--sometimes very hard. As someone said above, this is the fight of your life, and it is a fight FOR your life. You have to live with that fact, and arm yourself against it, rather than just keep putting off your sobriety until some time that seems more convenient.

Good luck. We are all here to support you.
U75 is offline  
Old 08-11-2016, 08:21 AM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Giving up is NOT an option.
 
MLD51's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,792
I had to give up some pretty big events that were "not optional" at the beginning. Turned out they were, in reality, optional after all. No one died because I didn't go. Or, if you MUST go, go for a the least amount of time possible, and escape at the earliest opportunity. Have a plan. Go into it knowing when and how you are going to leave, and stick to it.
MLD51 is offline  
Old 08-11-2016, 10:45 AM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Member
 
PurpleKnight's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Welcome to the Forum MrPL!!
PurpleKnight is offline  
Old 08-11-2016, 01:04 PM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Member
 
Delizadee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: middle of nowhere
Posts: 2,849
Welcome to Sr! You can do this, just have to make a decision and have a plan.
Delizadee is offline  
Old 08-11-2016, 01:31 PM
  # 16 (permalink)  
Member
 
Bruno1979's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Staffordshire UK
Posts: 514
Welcome Buddy
Bruno1979 is offline  
Old 08-11-2016, 01:42 PM
  # 17 (permalink)  
Community Greeter
 
Hevyn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,416
It's great to have you with us, MrPL. You are never alone - there's always someone here to listen & understand.

Be glad that you've come to this conclusion about drinking. Some never see what it's doing to their life. Or - like me - they keep on into middle age insisting they will one day magically manage it. I crossed the line from social to alcoholic drinking decades ago. I wish I'd done what you are - and acknowledged that I was in danger. You won't waste the years & opportunities that many of us did. You can do it.
Hevyn is offline  
Old 08-11-2016, 02:46 PM
  # 18 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
MrPL's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,025
Thanks for the nice messages guys. It's the end of what I am now calling the "real day one", wife is away with the kids which usually would have meant heavy drinking, but instead I did a hell lot of d.i.y. so will be going to bed knackered and sober! Coming to terms that yesterday was a little slip and the good work I did over the last couple of weeks has been worth it. Feeling confident I will not drink this Saturday and I ll definitely stick around SR, think this may have been the missing link before.
P
MrPL is offline  
Old 08-11-2016, 02:55 PM
  # 19 (permalink)  
EndGame
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Originally Posted by MrPL View Post
I m scared something heavy will have to happen for me to take this seriously, like me getting very ill, my wife leaving me, screwing up at work or disappointing my kids, and for the first time I can see very early signs of some of these things happening.

I m hoping talking about it here will help, reading some of your stories has definitely been inspiring, well done everyone who managed to stop. I honestly hope I can say the same about myself soon.

P
Hi Mr. P.

By the time we can see "early signs" of potential problems, they've been going on for some time.

Getting sober is a struggle. Anything worthwhile in life is a struggle. Now is not the time to despair; now is the time to meet the challenge, to find the courage that each of us possesses to find a better way. We never know what we're capable of until we do it.

I couldn't have gotten sober without a great deal of support, and I've nurtured that support in the five years I've been sober. There is absolutely no reason why you cannot do the same. Unless you can predict the future, telling yourself that you can't do it is not helpful, and is part of what we sometimes refer to as "denial."

"Someday" is not one of the days of the week, and "hopefully" is not a plan. Now is the time to start.
EndGameNYC is offline  
Old 08-11-2016, 03:38 PM
  # 20 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,048
Hi PL and welcome

I have to admit I was sure I wanted to quit when I got here - even though my drinking nearly killed me and I knew I had to quit.

This community helped turn me around. I kept seeing people, just like me, with the same kinds of stories who'd left drinking behind and were happy about it.

It made that leap of faith into the Unknown a little easier.

There is a transition period that's not easy...but neither was my drinking life by the end.

I've never regretted my decision to quit drinking and change.

I hope you'll find what you need here to turn your life around too

D
Dee74 is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:03 AM.