FutureTrip....I think that the hope that you keep hanging onto is what is keeping you in chains. That is where your torture is coming from......
Learn more about alcoholism....because you are expecting more from him than he is capable of doing. he is not in real recovery and there is no way he can make a promise to you----because he can't even keep a promise to himself. If he does get into real recovery (not just sober)...it would take about 2years of intense program work...like AA meetings (lots) and a sponsor and actually working on the 12 steps.....before you could put any kind of trust in him....and, then....relapse is always a possibility.....for the rest of his life.....
Thinking about your own and your child's welfare...I would say to go ahead with the divorce. It is turns out that he is capable of co-parenting with you--good. If he can be friends with you...good. If you want an occasional horizontal tango...that is o.k., too.....
(If it isn't...that is o.k.)...
Living in limbo is a form of purgatory....
dandylion