Originally Posted by
August252015 
I have read all of your posts, Mxdad. I thought about replying earlier in my reading but kept going to learn more.
Your story really strikes me because my boyfriend finally left his wife of 18 years, after three affairs (at different times) and her alcoholism. That's the super short version of his story, and the part that made me connect his story to yours is the whole idea of how you want to live, and how you both love and, probably, loathe your partner of decades. Normal. And not a fun place- definitely a confusing and sad one- to be in. His story includes nights of waiting for her to come home- he shared with me last night about the first time she drunkenly disappeared and what it felt like waiting for the door to open...it not opening...her friends' having called....etc- and he's talked to me about his thought process over the years, deciding to stay and what kind of marriage he ended up accepting, a lot of stuff.
I share this so you know that you, as the husband, are not alone. I think delving too far into the actual sex-and-kind-of-guys part is ... unhelpful. Macho guy stuff won't help. Processing that reaction of course, will be hard. Keep looking at how you want to proceed, be sober yourself and live a good life.
Remember: whatever YOU decide, you absolutely cannot control what SHE does. She will drink or not, she will cheat or not. You get to decide what you accept and what you don't, and when and where you reach your limit, if you do reach one that means divorce.
Good luck.
Thanks-I have had time to think on it a few weeks now.I have made up my mind and due to the fact i do live her and have since I was 17
I have established boundries for what i will and will not accept moving forward
I will no longer tolerate her drinking period.I have expressed this as she now knows what can and will happen if/when she starts again.
I have explained i will not go down this path again ever
The next path will be divorce as painful as it may be it has to be easier than what i have had to deal with the last 3 months
I believe people are not perfect-and mistakes can be forgiven-i really hope some day i can forgive hers.
I have come to realize im not a bad guy
Im successful in my work, i am not a bad looking guy (a little old at 43) but i have a lot of good years in front of me
As far as sober-i really hate alcohol currently-it totally disgusted by the thought of getting drunk
But at the same time i understand that she would never put herself in those situations with out it-hence my willingness to stay since she agreed to stop.
I also understand that its not going to be easy.some days i am at peace with my decision and some days i want to grab my daughter and take off-i certainly have the means to do so but have to make a conscious decision to stick with my heart.
Right now i am struggling with talking to her on those off days without being a dick-i know that doesnt help her situation or mine-but i am trying
I will no longer text her when im in that place and keep conversation to a minimum.
I have another week before she gets home from rehab and i dont know what next week will bring-i just have to remember in my heart that i do love this woman and keep my mind from running my mouth.
Unless she starts drinking again at which point i am just going to get my stuff and head to the attorneys office and move on with my life-i am not sticking around for the **** show if it starts again
Sorry for the novel-it was only meant to be a reply
