Hi everyone!! I used to post here a lot, but I had a baby in March and life has been too hectic since. I so rarely have two hands free! The baby is doing really well, so sweet and smiley now, when he's not tired and fussy.
I had him at the age of 42. After spending most of my childbearing years dating addicts and emotionally unavailable men (ACOA!) , I decided to get pregnant with an anonymous donor. So glad I did. This little guy has opened my heart up to the world in ways I never thought possible. It's kind of like I feel this intense compassion for everyone who crosses my path? We'll see how long it lasts, ha, maybe just lack of sleep?
Anyway, I've been de-friended on FB again by my alcoholic, addict sister. I suspect that she also has some kind of personality disorder. Maybe borderline, or narcissistic? Or both?? For as long as I can remember, she turns on me in a flash. One minute all's well, and the next minute I'm the target of her animosity. She has de-friended me at least four times in the past five years. I guess the reason for this latest flare up as far as she's concerned was that I dared to tell her that I was sad that she hadn't rescheduled a visit that she had planned and then backed out on? She lives several states away and had been planning to visit me and the new baby, but then she and her son both had health issues and she canceled. I did understand about the health issues, but then she didn't seem to be making any plans to reschedule and got angry when I brought it up, but found time to take two trips to the beach and has not been working! She hasn't visited me in over ten years, though I've gone out to see her several times. I stopped going, though, a few years back when the last of our older relatives who lives in her area died. So I mentioned rescheduling and that it made me sad to see her pics of her beach trip and that I wished she'd come to see me instead, and she got crabby and didn't write me back, and now I'm defriended.
Anyway, who knows what's really going on with her or why she really has such a short fuse. She cleaned up her act from opiates a couple years ago, but I know she still drinks and God knows what else. Maybe she's back on pills. Apparently she is milking a workman's comp injury for all it's worth, claiming "neck pain." Sigh. It should be obvious to me, right? How could I even hope that she's still off the opiates? So what do I do with this anger I feel at always getting f*&(ed over by her? Do I try to tap into this new compassion I feel? Or is it just codependent to try to wish away the anger? It's not like she's been a very good sister to me like, ever. Maybe acceptance is the key? In any case, it helps to share here.
Hope you are all well and enjoying lots of serenity!!
