I am late to this thread, and you have already received so much good advice that I am reluctant to try to add mine. But I will anyway.
You ARE different than when you were actively drinking. We ALL are. And your husband may like most of the changes, but resent others. Your resolve to stay sober is obviously the most important thing. That has to come first.
But beyond that, if you are willing to try to take a slightly different approach to the problem, consider this: In my own relationship, I have tried to identify the things that my wife may actually miss about my drinking days, and recapture that for her, just without the alcohol. For example, I am probably less spontaneous sober than I was when I was drinking. I am more inhibited (you can probably read between the lines as to what I mean on this point). I am less tolerant.
So, I have been trying to think of what I can do to improve that. For example, my wife wants me to attend an event this weekend with another couple which, I think, seems stupid and boring. But I probably wouldn't have thought so in my drinking days. So I have agreed to go. And I am sure it will be fine.
If you are able to get past the (justifiable) anger you feel about your husband's behavior, consider whether there are things that you can do (without alcohol or pot) that will make him less resentful of your recent sobriety. What might he miss about the drunk you that you can give him without affecting your sobriety and your integrity?
But, as I said at the beginning, your sobriety has to come first.
Just a thought.
Good luck. Let us know how things progress. We do care.
