Has your father gone through periods where he has been sober? Has your mother ever told you the positive things that your father does? I am not trying to suggest that you lower your boundaries or guard. I am trying to figure what truly connects your mother with your dad and if there is anything healthy in their relationship.
I filed for divorce over 2 years ago after my husband got his 2nd DUI. Before that, I got my kids to safety. They went to live at the inlaws over 3 years ago. I spent 3 years of my life commuting to see my kids on the weekend.
It was very lonely. I was darned when I was in a relationship with my husband. I was darned when I was trying to be a single mom pursuing a divorce. I have worked for the same company for the past 13 years (still scared of losing my job because then I would not have the ability to make the best choices for myself). Sometimes I wish I could lose my job, and I would have this husband who would just take care of me.
I do not have luxury to be a stay at home mom. I am very tired. I am tired of being responsible.
My husband's career went downhill because of his drinking. But luckily he found a part time telecommuting job that he could work from his parent's house, and he has been very active and supportive to our young kids. But the best thing is that he has stayed sober.
There was an opportunity for me to work from home at the inlaws house. I put the divorce aside (we could not find an amicable parenting plan that would work when we were living in two different towns), and I live now at the inlaws.
We live in an isolated town. I went for 3 years not being intimate with him. The truth is that I have had one foot in and one foot out. I have set the boundary that we are not going to completely intimate until we go back to counseling.
Have you ever been in a relationship with someone or been married to someone? The best advice that I could give you is focus on your own happiness. Work on yourself. Keep your standards high and set good boundaries. Hopefully, dating and marriage will be a lot better for you than for your mother. You are worth it to have a good life.
I would hope that my kids would not have to give me advice when they are older about my dating life. My kids think the world of their dad. They were extremely young when all of crazy things of alcoholism happened. They do not know the truth. I recently got out our wedding video and played it for my kids. I am just trying to introduce the positive things about being married.
Your mom had 20 years to find another guy. It sounds like she did not find someone else. Unfortunately, your life is not like the Bachelorette when you are a mom. You are more careful of who you are in a relationship with. And you really do not want to explain your situation about your kids to just anyone that you would date.
Is your mother planning on getting another job in the future? Or is there a reason why she does not have a job right now? Is she retired?