Gottalife

I think I can make the link there. I didn't consciously drink to drown my conscience, I drank to feel better, to have a good time, to relax. I felt bad in the first place because I was blocked from the sunlight of the spirit.

My conscience is something that tells me what I need to do to get connected, and I feel bad because I don't seem able to do whatever it is. I feel bad because I am out of step with the human race. I live by instinct, the satisfaction of my basic needs being the main basis of my decision making. This almost always puts me in either internal of external conflict with the people around me. I feel bad because I behave in a totally selfish way. I feel bad because I consistently betray my own values. The only solution I know is alcohol, and it only makes things worse.

And I have come full circle. It now occurs to me that my conscience was the thing that made it possible for me to recognise my problem and seek help. With no conscience I would have had no reason to stop. I drank because I would not or could not follow my conscience, and I got sober because that changed.