Tons of childhood trauma. I've never learned coping skills. I've been chronically suidicidal since around age 9 and developed an eating disorder at age 12. At 16 I learned how good drinking made me feel... blitzed myself on pot for awhile before that got old once I was legal to drink. Had some babies straight into my 20s and didn't drink much for 5 years... still suicidal and bulimic and knew nothing but abusive relationships my whole life.
I had a poor prognosis straight out of the gate in my life and I've done a damned good job at playing every shite card in my hand along the way... Lots of compulsive gambling and spending.
People always say I have such an interesting life story when I tell the socially accepted parts of it. I was never set up to win at this.
Only difference is now I know I do have the power to change my odds if I stop playing certain games.
My birth mom died overdosing on prescription meds while drinking alcohol. I've tried it a few times now. I'm still here... obviously there's a reason for that.