In letting go of "anger" we are really letting go of a resentment.
Resentments are our number one offender and can lead us to relapse. It is up to us and working the steps where we see our part in any resentment.
There is more to this, but I kind of agree with the sponsor ("He said his sponsor told him he can't move on in the process until he lets go of his anger toward her." -this is part of the 4-7th steps), although I would never have attempted an amends with someone who is still that angry with ME.
An amends is about making things right for the other person. It has nothing to do with the other person forgiving us.
Sometimes it's about us and just not drinking.
Working the steps with a sponsor who understands those steps helps. Something in this story doesn't sit right. My sponsor wouldn't advise making amends to an ex who still holds much hostility towards me. We don't make amends in this manner if it will bother a person this much.
His staying sober and giving himself a lot of sober time will help him see if and when an amends can happen.
Again, letting go of anger or a resentment doesn't involve anyone but the alcoholic and their higher power (along with working those steps with a sponsor, or guide, who is to help them work the steps properly).
Sounds like hubby is giving a (in my opinion) reason NOT to attend AA or to recover. Not sure if he's worked his 4th step well enough to be humbled to continue with the other steps. Just my opinion, take it or leave it alone.
p.s. if he's worked the first 4 steps, he would know that no one makes us drink, we have a brain/body condition (The Doctor's Opinion) and it's just how our minds work.....
Sent with Love and hugs,
~SB