I am currently (despite everything I know and have experienced) living with my AH. I allowed him to come back "home" after his rehab in December and have regretted the decision for the last 8 months. I too understand the concern about loving and helping and what happens if I am not there.
But this I know for sure.....He was fine for the 39 years that he lived on Earth without me and he will be fine still. Now his definition of fine is different than most. But he always manages to get smokes and a beer and wrangle up whatever it is that he needs. He always manages to get into some catastrophe and wiggle out of it, so why do we think that anything we do or don't do is really going to change it.
This I also know........the "helping" that I have been doing has been doing more harm than good. He is not capable of being in charge of money, or groceries, or cleaning, or basically anything more than maybe a 5 year old could handle so the episodes we have show how sick we really are.
I am sick, from codependency and I fall for his lies more than I stand up for myself. So take this away. If he is manipulating and talking about suicide to get to you then he is really showing you his true feelings. Loving someone is forgiving them for hurting you and being loved back is seeing them be actually sorrowful. Enabling is forgiving them over and over and allowing the same bad behaviors with no change and no consequence.
I hope that you become your own rock and lean on the people here at SR. You cant pour from an empty cup (those are wise words that I got from someone else but cant recall who) but they are so true. Take care of yourself and belive that recovery looks like recovery so you will know what is true sobriety and what is not. Even though we may lie to ourselves we don't usually believe them.