It's my understanding, first of all, that "amends" and "apologies" are not the same thing.
Secondly, it is also my understanding that the amend-ee is NOT obligated to accept the amends, but at the same time, the amend-er is not even required to contact the amend-ee if to do so would result in a bad situation. I am confused as to why your AH would have contacted her at all, since he would likely know this would NOT be a productive discussion, and I'm even more confused as to why he'd contact her MORE than once when it was clear that talking to her was not going to be productive.
It also sounds fishy that his sponsor would tell him he "can't move on in the process" until he makes a "successful" amend to her...the 12 Steps are not a checklist that a person "graduates" from once they've crossed off each item. I don't think anyone here would disagree that letting go of anger is part of recovery, but not in the sense that I'm reading about it in your post.
To me, this sounds like a bit of "creative re-telling" is going on, regardless of the craziness of X-wife.