I'm so sorry. I relate to what you are going through. I'm still in very early stages of possibly getting away myself so I feel like I'm not a good one to give advice. However, the advice I do have at this point in time is that I also feel you're in denial. Your gut instinct is almost always right so even if you don't have concrete proof, you know what's going on is wrong. It sounds like he is most definitely using. I feel like I am past the denial stage and am forward but not sure where yet. I just finally feel strong enough to not accept the lies and not enable it allow him to manipulate me anymore. It took years to get to this point but you'll know when it's time. I think you just finally hit that wall where enough is enough and you're not going to play this game anymore. We have 4 kids, been together 17 years, 5 of those married, and he's been an addict at least 12 of those years. It's taken me all this time and there wasn't just one instance that made it happen but one day recently it just finally clicked and I'm now figuring out the next part. I feel like we can give you all the advice in the works but it's really up to you to decide how much and how long you're willing to do this. Years like me?