Originally Posted by
alwayscovering 
I always ask if the bad outweighs the good...it doesn't...yet.
I don't know how to give up and walk away. I haven't yet let go of the idea of how things were. How I know they could be...I have to be able to let that go. I'm not ready yet. I hate this.
Then I suppose all you can do is work your own program of recovery in whatever way you see fit in order to make it as pain free as possible.
Have you read the alanon literature? If not, that's probably a good place to start, along with getting to some meeting and developing a good support network.
Also, I (and many others I suspect) would suggest that if you are intent on staying with your actively alcoholic partner, you do what you can to ensure that legally and financially you do not become any more entrenched and entangled than you are already. And please, please, please try not to become pregnant by him or marry him (unless you already did) or anything else that will make things even more difficult to walk away from him if you DO decide to do so in the future. I'd also suggest starting an emergency funds savings plan so that you have the best chance for restarting your life available to you if and when you choose to.
As an alcoholic in recovery, I know just how selfish, devious, and downright irresponsible and dishonest active alcoholics can be. Please, look out for yourself and your future.