Originally Posted by
Livingdeadgirll 
Thank you all for your kindness and concern.
It's hard to know what is right when one day he's really nice and caring the next he's cold and aloof and then he's drinking and mean. I have figured out that when he wants me to get over being mad he will buy me something that he knows will make me happy. Little does he know that all I want is normal and quiet, not things.
Someone asked if I could get a job away from his family, I could with a lot of questions and harassment. My daughter is starting medical school in less than a month so I will need that salary for right now. Ugh, it's all a giant mess. I don't know what to say...
That's awesome news about your daughter. What a terrific accomplishment. That's a lot of hard work and you should both be very proud. Hope her studies go well.
For me untangling the giant mess of my life started with baby steps. Something that really helped me was educating myself about abuse, the cycle, the behavior patterns. There's almost a "playbook" these guys seem to use and seeing it all laid out made me feel like I wasn't alone and helped also with the feeling that I was going crazy- which my ex was very quick to say anytime I questioned his behavior.
If you can do some reading on the sly, there's an excellent book called "Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men," by Lundy Bancroft. It gave me a lot of insight into what made my ex tick. It's available for e-readers- Nook, Kindle, etc, which might be safer than having a hard copy around.
It took me some time to accept that the kindness, the caring and the little "bribes" from my ex were all actually part of the cycle of abuse. Those good times had a heavy price. I used to see him as almost 2 different people. The nice guy who bought me a writing desk one year for Christmas and the "monster" who smashed my desk chair when I refused to engage in a verbal argument with him. But all of that behavior is rooted in the same pattern of control and abuse, and he was the person doing all of it.
Cycle Of Violence - Domestic Violence