I don't know exactly why. Reading this post made me feel like crying. I can relate to the isolation because you work for his family and they back him up. I hear the doubt in your voice. I have been through so much and at times wondered, Is there more I can do? Like keeping the sink immaculate! Am I making too much of his snarky comments, his disregard for my feelings? I built a scaffolding to live under that went like this- he didn't mean it. He was just drunk. He really loves me. So why did I feel better without him? Why did I watch what I said- so he wouldn't have ammunition against me or deflate any happy thing I might happen to share? Why did I wait until he was gone to work to get up in the morning- so I could avoid him for a little while? I am 62 years old- and I left 7 weeks ago. Trying to keep from second guessing my decision. I keep wondering now if I could have done more- but I know it was abuse and I know I am better without him. The National Domestic Abuse Hotline is a good resource and I would call it just to talk. Go to Alanon. My husband said to me, I don't know if I can stay married to you if you go to Alanon. It was an empty threat. He said that over ten years ago and he never left and actually wants me back!It is almost unbelievable but my guess is your husband would hate to lose you- he needs someone to control- he has you where he wants you. He has more to lose than you do. Don't be afraid to "defy" him. You are not a child and he is not your parent. My husband read my diaries and snooped in my clothes, my car, my emails- my pocketbook, even tapped my phone. I started keeping a computer diary with a password. I needed to be able to vent somewhere he couldn't find. One thing I discovered- there are people and websites who will support you and be kind and loving to you- but there are a lot of people out there who don't understand and will tell you you need to try this and that- or he really loves you- are you exaggerating. I already listened to enough of his ********. Learn to recognize what is good for you and what isn't. Keeping an immaculate kitchen sink won't stop the abuse.