This reminded me how true the reality is that alcoholism is a progressive disease. I relapsed after being clean and sober for 13 years and started drinking again. I basically picked up where I left off and things in my life got MUCH worse. Earlier when I was drinking I just became drunk and mouthy. When I relapsed I became a blackout drinker with terrible consequences.
I had heard people in the meetings say this type of thing and I didn't relate as I believed I had gotten the message and it would never happen to me. I fooled myself thinking I was "normal" again. I cannot live in the past and wish this hadn't happened, but I do sometimes wish that I didn't have to live with the consequences today of the past actions during active drinking.