gosh i wish so much i could change, some changes take money which i dont have, but of course some dont. some come when you are finally ready to change and JUST DO IT.. i wish i could practice what i preach but right now i cant,, and i dont know why... i just dont know why.. scared to rock the boat, scared to let my son know what his dad does, scared to let the 2 older grandkids let them know... so so much.. scared i will cause my mom to die cause she is so worried about what others think...
when my brother went on one of his schyzo fits about 3 years ago and went into other peoples houses scaring people to death and then hid underneath a well known car dealer's car.. well she withdrew and still wont go to church afraid she will run into people that he went into their houses.. she worries so much what people think, this town has about 5000 people in it and they all know us and practically our history.. already getting her out of the house takes a wild herd of horses..ha.. so all i think about is her.. i just cant do that to her.. ihave already done enough to her.. so i just put on my pretty face and go on,, except i cant put back my 25 pounds back on that i have lost .. so of course she knows something is going on,, but wont really ask..
so no i wont change probably until something else comes to a head like it did 2 nights ago.......love you all nana