butterfly,
All the things you speak about are textbook ACA, adult child of
alcoholics. It is a 12 step program, similar to other 12 steps. You
can check out the website, and read "the laundry list" , the problem,
and the solution. This program is for children who grew up in
alcoholic homes, or homes that were dysfunctional due to many
reasons, mental illness, drug abuse, etc. Please check it out, it
could be very life-changing for you.