Right now I'm doing my best to be less wrapped up in him and what he's doing and focus on me and what I've got going on.
When my mom got sick, my sister went on the warpath. She was angry at me for so many things it would take me hours to go through it all. To make things even more exciting, her pothead boyfriend started harassing us about getting him a job. So "My mom has cancer" leads to "Please get me a job." Just like with your ABF - "My dad is in the hospital" leads to "I need more pills."
I realized two things about my sister: 1) she expected me to continue being her spokeswoman because she was too afraid to talk to my mom herself 2) that her behavior meant that the family conversations continued to be about HER instead of my mom, who was the one who needed the most attention at that moment.
So now I ask myself - who will get the most value from my help? My energy is better spent getting my mom the assistance she needs, asking questions of her doctors, making sure that my dad has somebody to talk to. Paying attention to my sister and her latest list of demands gets nobody nowhere. It may keep her quiet for a wee bit but then the whole rigmarole starts up again with no end in sight.
I guess with everything else in my life going on, I don't feel like I should make a huge life decision now.
Sometimes life events ARE the catalyst for change.
When my mom got diagnosed with cancer, my husband was there for me. He did the housekeeping. He washed the dishes. He cooked meals. He made sure that our kid did his homework. He listened to me for hours as I cried about the latest prognosis. He made sure that I PUT MYSELF FIRST while all this was going on, because the rest of my family already needed so much of me. And he did this for a year, not 3 weeks. Does your ABF do that for you?
I know I might be sounding harsh. But your situation sounds so similar to mine. I was in a relationship with somebody for three years and I wanted to marry him so badly that I ignored the signs that he was cheating on me. My two best friends were already married with kids and I was still single and felt like a freak. And I was heartbroken when HE was the one who called it off. I literally wanted to die.
But in reality, that day was the beginning of a new life. I made some dumb mistakes here and there, but I no longer held myself back from my own dreams. And almost two years later, I met my future husband.
I still shudder when I think of how willing I was to settle for less. Much, much less.