Hi Dusty -
Detaching, for me, and I am sure for many people here, was a long process. I am still in the process.... It is absolutely no over night occurrence. I believe it is because it truthfully is unnatural. I married my AH, gave my all to him, two became one, planned to be with him until the day I die, and now I am expected to detach completely from him?? One must become two again? Just doesn't seem right. It sounds like that is what you are experiencing. A lot of emotions come along with detachment. For me, grief and loneliness were two of the main. While I was realizing I was detaching I was also coming to terms with how real the possibility of our future not being an option any more really was.
Right now I'm doing my best to be less wrapped up in him and what he's doing and focus on me and what I've got going on.
You are going through a lot outside of his addiction. Aside from their addiction we have our own life happenings and our own struggles which we cannot push to the side. Please take care of you. After all, you are truly the only person you can take care of. You cannot take care of his addiction for him or his internal battles. I think you are realizing that...