need to share
So, I've been here reading off and on lately when I have a chance but haven't posted in a bit. Things spiraled out of control, and I'm trying desperately to keep my head above water. My dad has been sick off and on for a few months now. But a little over a month ago he ended up in intensive care and no one thought he'd make it. He's still fighting a hard battle and is still in critical but stable condition. Ok my ABF started out being so supportive and about 3 weeks in I come home to find him messed up. This time I finally realized there are more important things in life than exhausting myself to fix an unfixable situation. I continued on doing my thing and trying to support my mom and be there for dad. I'm catching hell one minute because I have meds that he "needs" and I don't believe his pain is real. The next minute I'm getting poetic speeches professing his love for me. I'm not ready to leave, but I'm getting closer. I'm making progress even though it's so slow. For example, I told him if he can't leave my medicine alone that I would need to leave (didn't mean permanently although I probably should). His response "why? So I have to get more pills to deal with the loneliness? That's how I handle these things." Wtf? In the past after a comment like that I would shut it down and comply with whatever just so he wouldn't hurt himself (after all it'd be my faulf). Tonight though I just shook my head in sadness that such a smart man can act so stupid. The thought is still there that we won't make it. I guess with everything else in my life going on, I don't feel like I should make a huge life decision now. Right now I'm doing my best to be less wrapped up in him and what he's doing and focus on me and what I've got going on. I am feeling really alone and wanted to share, though I'm not sure there was much point to this post. If you made it this far thanks for reading!