It sounds like there are about three 'you's vying for control.
There is the sober you who doesn't want the drunk to show up , doesn't like the consequences and after math of drunk you making an appearance.
And there is possibly the 'buzzed' you , the you once a week that convinced the sober you that buzzed you is good enough and promises not to let the drunk you show up, or at least not get as fully present and bring the consequences.
Sober you keeps falling for the lies of the other 'two' , coz really they are the same thing.
I thought or tried to have three of us in 'here' and that I could work to keep the third (the drunk me) at bay, til I realized the other guy(buzzed me) wasn't a 'helpful, playful, relatively harmless' companion , it was just drunk me early in the night, and early in the night after that first drink meant I was just getting started buzzed me became really buzzed me and the race to oblivion was on and If i didnt win that race after the first one or few , it wasn't from lack of trying, it would have been from circumstances beyond my control and I'd be pissed( US pissed=mad, not British pissed coz then I would have my goal).
Put and keep Sober you in charge now, today, there is no need to have had a 'bottom', just to realize that one leads to many , once that little itch gets scratched or started , I'm in for a bumpy ride ,every time .
That's why I decided to not drink, ever again and not change my mind, I'm pretty convinced (after like 30 yrs experience) that that itch will always resurface after
every One.
Put sober you in charge, sounds like you like that one the best(and for some great reasons)
