I don't like AH. There is nothing to like.
Lately I've been deluged w/memories of XAH in our early days. I remember someone who was interested in life, who was joyful, who had fun and could be spontaneous, someone who slid down banisters and drew me silly little pictures.
That person was gradually erased, becoming someone who was resentful, dishonest, cold and rigid. Once in a while, I see a faint shadow of who he was, just enough to break my heart again, enough to make me pray again for him to find sobriety b/c I know he is
not gone beyond recall, beyond hope.
But I know I can't find him. It's going to take a power much greater than anything I myself can muster up. And that same power works for me, to help me find my
own path, my
own strength, my
own healing and my
own peace.
I am right beside you, LeeJane.