Originally Posted by
effortjoy 
I think it would be a good idea for me to go to at least one AA meeting a week.
That sounds like a good idea to me.
When I went through 6-8 months of sobriety the last couple of times, I didn't go to AA and I think that made relapse more likely especially because I had so many excuses why once a week binge drinking was fine for me.
A lot of us did this. Some of us, for years or decades. We alcoholics are really good at making excuses or rationalizing. That's the disease part of us that wants us dead but would settle for us hurting ourselves and others.
But I have a couple of issues with basic AA philosophy and I wonder if these will prevent me from being able to benefit from the meetings?
I also had issues with AA philosophy and I left the rooms for many years. When I came back, I guess I reached another level of that hopelessness where I was on my knees willing to do anything the recovered folks told me to do....
One is that I think of my binge drinking as something that I can fight back against and treat.
I was like this with my drinking, too. That's why sometimes high bottoms aren't good enough to treat. I was "fortunate" in that I had a low bottom with something else so I was able to see my drinking for what it was. Some people might tell you that you haven't reached a low enough bottom, but if you see the road ahead, and you're full of hopelessness, that may be good enough.
I just don't think it's healthy for me to tell myself that I am "powerless" over alcohol. Why should I make myself feel helpless when confronting an illness or any challenge?
I just shared this point last week in my home group's Step 1 meeting. I used to have the same exact thought. I shared that powerlessness is not a "weakness", it's a strength. We stop the insanity of trying to play God with our disease. It's a strength to finally say, "Wait a sec. This isn't working. I can't stop. No one else can help me stop. So...no human can help me stop. Something larger than a human can help me stop. (Your conception of) God/Higher Power.
No one's saying you should "make yourself feel helpless". We come into the rooms feeling helpless. But we're not helpless. Because God/your Higher Power can help you.
It's really a difficult concept to explain. I fought it for years and years. You have to experience it.
I believe that addiction is a disease, similar to obesity being a disease but we aren't "powerless" over our illnesses,
Ever meet a morbidly obese person who cannot use an elevator because of their disease? Think it's all physical? It's not. Obesity can be an addiction too, for some people. Some people can drink normally, alcoholics cannot. Some people can eat normally, food addicts cannot. I've known people who died from obesity and I've known people who died from alcoholism. Maybe they still thought they had the power to control their disease, if they just used a little more will-power. :-( Alcoholism and addiction is not about will-power. It's the opposite of will-power.
Ever meet a Diabetic who is told firmly and clearly by their doctor that they will lose their feet if they keep eating carbs and sugar? And with every cell of their being they don't want to lose their feet, but they just cannot stop eating the sugar? Think they are not powerless over their disease? Think it's still just a physical disease?
Ever meet an Alcoholic who is told firmly and clearly that their liver is beyond regeneration and if they drink again, they will die? As they cry to their little children that they swear they won't drink again and they mean it with every bone in their body, but then they find themselves out drinking again, and are so filled with self-hate at doing this again, they don't understand why it keeps happening, that they are on the verge of suicide? Is alcoholism and addiction really just a physical disease??
there are always things we can do to treat them and improve our lives.
Agreed. My life didn't improve until I stopped trying external things to fix my internal problem with an internal solution.
Secondly, since addiction has unequivocally been scientifically proven to be a disease, why should I apologize to anyone for my drinking? Would a cancer patient apologize for being sick ?
Alcoholism is not a disease like cancer. That's like comparing apples to oranges. You don't apologize for being powerless and mentally ill. Nor do you use that as an excuse to continue drinking and continue hurting yourself and others. You amend (change) your actions and behavior.
Why go back into the past and start dredging up the worst parts of when we were sick?
Why? Because we like to shove everything down and go into that nice cushy place of "denial" which only looks nice and cushy. Until we face the dark parts of our soul, we will never heal. We will continue hurting ourselves and hurting others. By the time I got to Step 9, I was actually excited and eager to make amends. I was finally thinking of others and not just me, me, me, me...
Basically, I would like to know what's constructive about saying we are "powerless" over our illness and why it would make sense to have to take an inventory and ask forgiveness for being sick ? I respect and probably really need AA so any clarity on these issues would be much appreciated
The inventory is about who we're angry at. It shows the anger we are still carrying around from perhaps a very early age. We didn't forgive them. We're not forgiving ourselves. You don't seem to have much self-awareness yet since you keep writing about "asking forgiveness". It's not about asking forgiveness. When you get to Step 9, if you did 1-8 properly, you will see how you will *want* to apologize and amend your behavior.
Just curious, were you a psychology major in college?
Word of advice: if you do decide to continue with AA and do the steps, just focus on where you are in the present moment. Don't overanalyze the steps or think too much about them.
Feel free to PM me privately if you want with questions.