Yes, there are different stories.
I think looking into reasons why and genetics and all that is perfectly valid. We all should know ourselves to our best abilities.
I agree with the bunch though- this is not the first step. 1) Stop. 2) Develope a comprehensive plan to stay stopped. 3) Monitor and adjust as necessary. - then work on philosophy.
Personally speaking, I got hammered the first time I drank. On purpose. Two or three without a follow-up drinking bout is like a tease that makes me really grumpy. I feel like I was built this way. Alcohol felt like a perfect fit until it wasn't.
I believe it is the memory of this "fit", back near the beginning that those of my sub-type have a hard time reconciling with. The damage was SO SO obvious, but I kept trying to make it work.
So grateful I'm not fighting anymore.