Wow, thank you for sharing. That must have been hard. I know what you mean about a trigger sending you spiraling for days. It takes you away and you don't realize it's happening. It's an inspiration that you recognized it and turned it around. Staying present is very difficult. I don't know about you but I have a tendency to dissociate which is why it happens in the first place. At that point you are on autopilot!
It's stark to see, who you felt he was and who he actually is coming together. I understand the feelings of creepiness, and I have told a friend that it's like I was sleeping with the enemy. It's very unsettling to accept that I had put myself in that situation, willingly. And that a few months ago I would have done ANYTHING to do it again!
I think the triggers are so disturbing as time goes on because it's no longer part of our "normal". It's a big difference from how we now usually feel. It's amazing to realize... that WAS our normal. We were constantly being triggered over and over... the stress that we went through was enormous .
No wonder we can develop anxiety or substance abuse problems of our own (or dissociate)... we really are in battle