My ego cropped up there. That's me trying to rationalize and strike back at years and years of sadness, failure, living life alone. Some kind of self empowerment. Like some dude humble bragging his job. Maybe in human affairs the only real meaningful thing is volume.
I don't know about forced positivity, have never really tried that. I guess there came a time in my early 20s when I heard that people were uncomfortable with attitudes other than the cheerful. I've certainly grown worn out on being a reject.
With me it's more like I am a fool. I walk in with a fool aspiration to be close to other people and to do a good job. I am genuinely intrigued. For me it seems simple. But the people don't ever seem to want that with me. I don't appear to be preferable. Maybe I never allow myself to feel that fully, all the way through, so I can grow beyond it and see others more clearly. Fix my eyes to the wind. Move into the unknown.